As part of my devotional time today, I was reading an Oswald Chambers piece. In it, I found this:
A worker without this solemn dominant note of concentration on God is apt to get his work on his neck; there is no margin of body, mind or spirit free, consequently he becomes spent out and crushed. There is no freedom, no delight in life; nerves, mind and heart are so crushingly burdened that God’s blessing cannot rest. But the other side is just as true – when once the concentration is on God, all the margins of life are free and under the dominance of God alone. There is no responsibility on you for the work; the only responsibility you have is to keep in living constant touch with God, and to see that you allow nothing to hinder your co-operation with Him.
That is so totally where I am right now. I’ve always found an almost eery conjunction of the Oswald Chambers devotions and the struggles I happen to be facing when I read them.
Right now, I am just completely exhausted. I’m beyond tired, and into the realm of no-kidding chronic fatigue bordering on exhaustion. My body is starting to crumble because of it. This is part of what has driven me to make some radical changes in my life. I simply cannot continue doing what I am doing and survive. Not survive as in keep my head above water, but survive as in staying alive.
I’m not ready to leave yet, so, Lord willing, I need to do the things that will keep me around to watch my kids grow up. A big part of that is taking better care of myself both physically, emotionally AND spiritually.